Walk over to your pantry

and get out a jar of molasses. Remove lid and attempt to pour onto anything. That is how slow my internet is working lately. I feel like I'm back in the bad old days of typing in a web address, going off to make a sandwich and coming back to the computer to find the page still loading! I desperately need to tie my IT guy (hubbalicious) down and have him solve this problem. Unfortunately, he's crazy busy with his own work and I continue to swim in a molasses slow pool of internet ooze.

I'm trying to visit my blogging friends, but the internet is letting it happen at the rate of about one comment per hour at the moment. Cross your fingers and knock on hard drives that this problem is over soon.

Contrary to popular reports, I am not dead nor have I disappeared. I did survive the weekend with all the teenagers and it was a fabulous time for all involved. No big mama dramas and only one mild case of poison ivy. How the poison ivy happened shall remain a secret to the grave!

So, I was feeling all warm, cozy and smug once I came home last Sunday night about a successful trip. Hubby had already turned around to fly out of state for business. I tried to get to sleep, but my internal clock had been thrown off and I found myself reading a book late into the night. At around midnight, I hear an extremely loud truck pull up in front of my home. My hubby-less Spidey senses went on the alert, so of course, I had to check it out. I peered out my window to see two men creeping around the side of the house and through my yard. About that time, I was torn between calling 911 or scolding Jack, the huge guard dog, for not rushing to my side. He was too busy snoring and chasing rabbits in his dreams.

Before I could do either, I hear a loud voice yell "Stop! Get down on the ground and put your hands behind your back!" Um, okay, were you talking to me?

I start looking out all my windows and finally discover the source of the voice. It was a State Trooper who had the 2 men down in the middle of the street behind my house with a gun pointed in their direction. Within 2 minutes, 5 more cars had pulled up.

Of course, being a good citizen, I start to scope out where best to see, but not be seen. I finally decided that perched atop the toilet in the powder room gave me the best view as I opened the window a touch. (It also afforded me easy access should nature call amidst this mini-episode of Cops) Over the next 30 minutes or so, it wasn't nearly as exciting as I had hoped it might be. Turns out it was a family dispute over cars and dogs.

What was of note, was the mug shot of one of the men they arrested. I couldn't appreciate him fully on Sunday night because he was wearing a sock hat, but the mug shot photo is priceless. So priceless it made the nation's largest celebrity blog. I kid you not!

Here's a short article in the local paper: The Frederick News-Post Online - Frederick County Maryland Daily Newspaper and here is the blurb on Perez Hilton's website: Celebrity gossip juicy celebrity rumors Hollywood gossip blog from Perez Hilto

You can't MAKE this stuff up! I just know you all now believe I live in Hooterville or something, but really, I love my litte town right down to the mayor who owns the tiniest of feed stores down the street.

The week went downhill from there with my daughter passing on a lovely stomach virus (and no, I didn't lose any weight, darn it). What's the use of lying about feeling though you will die with the next heave without a little sickness loss? I wasn't quite over that when I helped chaperone a field trip to the Maryland Science Center where 2 of my 6 young charges thought the rule to stay in your group was a mere suggestion.

And the cherry to top this cake walk of a week was on Friday when it was raining heavily, I slippped like a banana peel down our porch steps spraining my ankle and bruising the entire right side of my body in strange step patterns. My ego was nearly as bruised as my back.

Can we all quote Scarlet when we exclaim with hope that "Tomorrow is another day!"?

P.S. Please cross your fingers that my internet decides to cooperate soon and that this entry actually posts!