The continuing saga of the workout regimen carries on. A few people have twittered (skinny, blankety, blank chicks who desperately need a deep-fried Twinkie), then asked me what, exactly, am I doing? Well, besides the obvious answer of working off 19 years of baby fat, Cadbury Bars and Wags burgers & fries (Wags, my love for you will never die) that have earned me a massive badonkadonk and what I lovingly refer to as a front butt (if you really want to know, ask me on an empty stomach)?
It all started last year when Danielle started Weight Watchers and I wasn't going to have her be skinny and cute alone, so I started it too. We've been plugging away at this thing for almost a year during which I've made a lot of eating modifications and lost more than a few pounds, but after eating one too many pieces of pecan pie at Thanksgiving, I went on several weeks of holiday festivity type of eating which derailed me. When I tried to get back on track with my Weight Watchers points, my body cried foul and decided to go into a lengthy plateau.
If you don't know what a plateau is, it's when your fat laughs in your face and sucks itself tight to your body in a stubborn refusal to exit the premises. Plateau fat hunts down any fat in your diet and recruits it to form a massive fat army which will dog your every effort to lose weight. Sadly, the fat war can go on for MONTHS to the point where many give up and take solace in a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food (or 2 pints if it's on sale with a coupon. Hey, what's a chubby chica to do?).
This time though, I'm trying to fight back. A couple of years ago, I had ordered something called Turbo Jam from an informercial when I had insomnia. Got it. Tried it. Loved it. Lost several pounds. Got the flu.
Doesn't take much to derail me, does it? Plus, I am so NOT a morning person. Try to shake me awake and you are liable to pull back a stump. But, shopping in the section of the store that's not called MuuMuu Hideaway gets me out of bed. (and who in Hades thought that womanly women would want to wear a sequined Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt anyway?)
After the plateau had been going for 3 months, I dusted off the Turbo Jam dvds. Then I ordered something from Beachbody.com called Rockin' Body which promised calorie burning fun. Fun being the key word here because I'd rather get my teeth cleaned most days than get on a treadmill. I started following their little calendar that came with the dvds and checked out the Beachbody message boards where there was a community of fellow plateau war veterans, chubby chicas and newly svelte peeps who are all there to cheer me on. I'm nearly 5 weeks in to a 90 day challenge and still pushing play each morning. Yep, some mornings I hate it, hate the dvd, hate the sun shining through the windows and if you try to talk to me, prepare for the stump. Doesn't help that some mornings, I'll get a kid who will lay down on the sofa to give commentary while I'm sweating the previous night's martini off.
It still a struggle. Especially when my skinny jeans which aren't really so skinny still have a considerable muffin top going on. I try them on each week in hopes that the belly fat will have finally let go of my abs and moved on to some other poor, chunky soul. Until then, you'll find me trying those hateful suckers on each Sunday morning and if you see me on the kneelers at church, it's because my cursing definitely means the muffin top was still very much in evidence.